Palindrome

July 26, 2009 at 3:10 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

Dammit I’m Mad.

That’s partially true but mostly just so the play on words title of this entry isn’t a complete lie.  Check it.  It’s a palindrome.  I stole it from comedian Demetri Martin, but that doesn’t make it less of a palindrome.

When I began writing this blog, I was trying to write it so that entries could be read in pretty much any order at pretty much any place in time and still be semi-applicable.  In other words, I was trying not to date it too badly.  I was also trying to keep my own political views out of it as much as possible.  Oh what a silly child I was 8 months ago.

Well, in my revised opinion, things that are topical shouldn’t be untouchable. Additionally, if a hinting at my political or social opinion creeps out along with it, I’m all the merrier.

Now, having thoroughly disclaimed my new take on blog entry writing, I would like to remind everyone that Sarah Palin, infamous Vice-Presidential… well loser… has of course decided to step down from her post as the governor of Seward’s Icebox (That’s what we used to call Alaska before we found out they had oil.  Check your history book.)  Anyway, I’m getting off task.  Sarah Palin, who somehow has unearthed a strong and annoyingly loud fundamentalist right-wing movement, decided to have a kind of last hurrah and a picnic in her hometown of Wasilla, AK before she steps down. At this event, she served hot dogs, signed autographs, and handed out little American flags to families of active service members.

I thought it might be fun for me to add insightful captions to some of the pictures from the event.  Enjoy.

All photos taken from adn.com.

This is a logical move.  Every governor resignation picnic I've been to has balloons and face painting, too.

This is a logical move. Every governor resignation picnic I've been to has balloons and face painting, too.

"Sign this book you didn't write!" "No! Sign my plate! I'll put it on the wall next to my commemorative plate from Silver Dollar City"

"Sign this book you didn't write!" "No! Sign my plate! I'll put it on the wall next to my commemorative plate from Silver Dollar City"

Picture 5

"Thank you, Young Palin. I'll never watch this sweatshirt again."

This is the best picture I saw of her sweatshirt.  It says "Once a Patriot, Always a *logo for New England Patriots*"  The theme for this picnic was patriotism so I'm not 100% sure she knew she was supporting a football team.

This is the best picture I saw of her sweatshirt. It says "Once a Patriot, Always a *logo for New England Patriots*" The theme for this picnic was patriotism so I'm not 100% sure she knew she was supporting a football team.

Surely there's nothing in this picture I could mock...

Surely there's nothing in this picture I could mock...

...Ahh! Her face is really a mask!

... Except that her face is really a mask!

Alright that’s enough.  That was too easy and I think I probably came off sounding mean.  That’s the thing about attacking her.  She’s like a koala bear… so cute and cuddly and you’d have to be a monster to say or do anything bad to it.  However, the second you get too close, she’ll rip your eyes out.  Also, the koala has convoluted aspirations of becoming the President of the country.  Somehow, it’s a lose-lose.

In closing, I leave you with a thought reminiscent of my opening line today.  “Do geese see God?”

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America, America, This is You

July 3, 2009 at 7:40 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

We have issues as a society.  Greed and insider deals have ruined lives and made unrighteous fortunes.  Just ask Halliburton Co. Increasingly, it seems, in order to be successful in this life, who you know is as important if not more important than what you know.  Just ask anyone put on a waiting list at the University of Illinois. It’s this insider fast track that frustrates and really insults the hard working Americans trying to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and make a name for themselves.  We’ve tried to clean up some acts a bit with insider trading and trying to hedge out unethical investors.  Just ask Martha Stewart. But it’s just not enough!  I’m calling for a new era of increased transparency, of honesty and conviction where hard-working Americans don’t have to take a back seat to rich fat cats with an uncle who knows a guy.  We need change and we need it now!

So why do the top 3 videos on AFV (America’s Funniest Home Videos) always suck?  There is always one video that is sort of funny and then two or three that just suck ass as hard as anyone can suck ass.  Right now I am calling out ABC to make their choosing of these potential winners more transparent.  If you’ve ever watched the show with any of its numerous hosts, you know what I’m talking about.

afv

Anyway, if anyone could shed some light on the process they use to choose the finalists, I’d really appreciate it.  Either the people are sending in their videotapes with a wad of money in the envelope, they know a guy who knows a guy who used to work at the show, or the producers lay all the tapes out on the ground and let a dog in the room.  The first 3 he sniffs make the finals.  It’s a theory.  It’s probably wrong.

Moral of the story – choose funnier videos for the finalists.
PS – Why do the hosts always have to talk through all the clips?  Sorry, AFV.  No matter how cool you try to make yourself by using an acronym instead of a name, you’re less funny than YouTube.

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Take a Look at Me

July 3, 2009 at 5:45 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

This blog is not going to turn into just a place for me to post videos that I think are funny.  As long as it lives, it will be a platform for me to bitch about real-life topics that need bitching.  I will also continue to spend an above average amount of time bitching about nonsensical topics.  Don’t worry.  I’ve not sold out completely yet.  However, having just testified to my own fortitude, I think it’s fair to now reveal that today’s post is only to premiere a new video I found online.

If you’re under 28, you’ve already seen the “I’m on a Boat” video and song by The Lonely Island & T-Pain, so you can skip this first video.  It’s just to catch my older audience up to 2008.

Alright now that we’re all on the same page, I want to introduce you to a cover.  Faithful reader, meet cover.  Cover, meet faithful reader.  Talk amongst yourselves.  Enjoy.  I’ll be at the punch bowl.  Oh by the way, don’t give up on this second video in the first 30 seconds.

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