April 30, 2009 at 6:10 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

You may remember the video I posted of one of my friends getting a mohawk.  The trend continues!  I did something crazy with this video.  See if you can tell what’s different than a regular video.  I’ll give you a hint.  It’s in reverse.


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I’m all a-Twitter

April 27, 2009 at 11:23 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

Twitter is so *$&%king stupid. Forgive me if I come off as arrogant, pessimistic, or cynical, but when it comes to this, I just might be. You know, there are entire industries dedicated to being ahead of the curve. People want the next big thing. Either you want to have it before your friends so they’re jealous or you want to be selling it or invested in it so you’re on top of that bubble when the value really takes off. It seems like everyone wants to be right there ahead of the curve.

However, sometimes when you get ahead of the curve, you guess the wrong curve. You curve left and the road takes a sharp right. I’m looking at you, HD DVD, LaserDisc, and Windows NT.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Twitter is *$&%ing stupid. The idea of knowing what your favorite celebrities are doing 24 hours a day seems like it would humanize them and make them less of these fictional untouchable creatures. I can see a bit of merit in that idea. However, when it comes down to it, I don’t care. Why should I care when Alicia Keys is bored waiting in traffic or if the egomaniac Shaq is feeling a little sick or that the esteemed Senator from Arkansas is waiting for the Congressional Joint Session to begin? I think being that connected is dangerous and unnecessary. Plus, I’d rather not know that no one in the world capitalizes ever anymore or that grammar is completely dead. And I think somehow abbreviating every other word to keep it under 140 characters can somehow take away from the levity of your message if it’s serious.

Real Twitter from Florida Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen

Real Twitter from Florida Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen

I can see the draw. I really can. It could be addicting. It could give you something to do when you are stuck in traffic or when you’re waiting for a plane, but I think the feeling of superficial false connectedness is just another societal empty calorie. It’s pseudo interaction. Sorry, Politicians. I know your overwhelming excuse is to stay connected with your constituents, but it seems like this goes back to the age-old problem with politicians – it’s easier to talk than listen. Social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace can eat up a lot of free time doing nothing, and those are based on the same concept, but in my eyes, Twitter is just one step too far. Plus, maybe we wouldn’t have to Twitter so much if we just took a few minutes to reflect on things and talk to the people around us. Maybe take the time to unplug just a little bit. Anyway, my day to day life isn’t interesting enough to push it on everyone I know.

Remember what I said about egocentric?

Remember what I said about egocentric?

In conclusion, Twitter is *$&%ing stupid.

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Domo Arigato

April 21, 2009 at 2:34 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

Am I a robot? Of all the questions I’ve been asked, this is the one that’s answer seems the easiest but that I’ve gotten wrong the most often apparently.  I mean, I can’t even dance like one!

If you’ve ever bought tickets online or downloaded a program from one of those free hosting sites, you have probably run into one of these challenges:


Write the letters pictured above in the box to prove you’re not a robot.

Anyway, I don’t have much free time. I need to go do some mindless repetitive tasks, analyze and compute complex equations with large data sets, and correctly format some data files.

Peace, Love, and Heavy Machinery

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April 14, 2009 at 8:49 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

I realize I’ve been slipping as far as consistently timed entries go but I’m going to go ahead and break the ice again today.  I know.  Just like the hearts of those who have been hurt repeatedly, it had hardened.  I’m breaking through that ice with a simple entry.  Sometimes that first step is the hardest.  I think losing weight uses the same metaphor but I haven’t looked into it.

I want this costume.



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Urine Luck

April 11, 2009 at 10:13 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

Consumer Beware:  I’ve gone lowbrow today.

I think I’ve pissed on every major mode of transportation.  Let me clarify, I think I have urinated while on board every major mode of transportation.  I’m not trying to say I insulted them all or that I hiked up my leg like a dog in the parking lot and did the deed.  This occurred to me last night when I was riding the train down from Chicago.  You can imagine what inspired the thought.  At any rate, I’ve been on trains, planes, and automobiles.  The first one I think I’ve already covered.  As far as planes go, I flew to Europe, which was about 9 hours.  I took care of business on a bus going from Washington DC to Virginia after the Presidential Inauguration.  As far as private modes of transportation go, I was once a small child who couldn’t control his bladder.  ’nuff said.  The only sketchy part of my record is the sea vessel.  I can’t guarantee I haven’t done so but I also don’t have any clear recollection of it, either.  It is for that reason that I invite those of you who have a boat to invite me on an aquatic adventure this summer so I can finally accomplish my life’s dream – doing my little part to make the water level rise.  Plus, the added side effect is that then I’ll be on a boat!

Another Warning: The following video may contain content that is not suitable for children of all ages.  Please be advised.

OH PS! Also a submarine.  Let’s make that happen.


Edit: I have been reminded that I went on a cruise when I was about a freshman in high school so I’ve got the boat thing covered.  I would still like to go on a boat again, though.  I guess that sort of negates the majority of this post.  I’m still looking for a spaceship, though.

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Elementary, My Dear Watson

April 4, 2009 at 12:30 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

I’ve spent a lot of time watching mystery crime shows on TV.  I’ve spent a substantial amount of time watching CSI, CSI: New York, Monk, Psych, even Law & Order: SVU and CSI: Miami.  I think there are others but I can’t remember them right now.  At any rate, I’ve noticed a pattern.  It turns out my laze has actually been research.  I’ve figured out the algorithim – not necessarily mathematically or that I can prove, but  I love to miseuse terms that sound smart but I don’t completely understand.  I have a sure-fire way to solve the crime within the first 25 minutes of the hour long come-drama.

Here goes.  Pay attention to the non-regular cast of the episode you’re watching, the one-episode minor characters, if you will.  Occasionally, there will be one character you’ve seen before in a different show as a minor character, or even a C-list celebrity whose name you actually know.  That’s the killer.  That’s the guy.  They’re not going to waste their time coming on a detective show unless they get to be the killer.  Of course there are rare exceptions to the rule I just made up, but I think it holds true a majority of the time.  Of course there aren’t enough C-list celebrities to go around so there are quite a few episodes that will use regular actors who you don’t notice from anywhere else.  In these situations you’re going to have to guess the killer the same way I live every day – by throwing out wild accusations at every character who comes on the screen.  It’s like the lotto.  You’ve got to play to win.  Good luck.

Somebody’s got to lotto.  It might as well be you.

Everybody Loves... MURDER!

Everybody Loves... MURDER!

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More Like Taco Smell!

April 2, 2009 at 10:59 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

I hate to say that Taco Bell is on its way to hell, but I can’t think of any stronger words.  I’ve complained about Taco Bell in the past, mainly the unnecessary slaying and murder of the Volcano Taco, but that’s a whole other story.  I don’t know if there’s been a change in management at the corporation I used to – well maybe not love, but at least appreciate.  Perhaps now they’ve turned to a room full of executives with a Ouija (WEE-GEE) board, or less optimistically, when they get bored, they spin the wheel of shitty ideas.

So yesterday I went through the Taco Bell drive-thru.  I have finally come to terms with the fact that the Volcano Taco is no more.  I won’t say I’ve forgiven them, but I had successfully moved through all the Kubler-Ross model of the 5 stages of grief.  I dealt with denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, and most recently, acceptance.  I ordered my tacos, but when I got to the window, I wasn’t feeling like a Hot Sauce kind of guy, but I was feeling spicier than Mild Sauce.  Of course I asked for the good ol’ run of the mill, standard, go-to medium.  I was told that medium doesn’t exist.  Medium doesn’t exist?  I thought this was America.  We’re supposed to be built on the middle class.  We’re supposed to be built on the American Dream.  No.  Instead we have the two class taco sauce system.  Of course that’s the Bourgeoisie of Hot Sauce and the Proletariat of Mild.

Well, I looked into the issue further and I found out that there still is no Medium sauce.  There is Mild, Hot, and Fire.  Why?  Why can’t sauces be on a normal scale?  Instead we have to have a taco sauce social class situation that apparently only includes low class, upper middle class, and upper class.  I’m not sure my economics comparisons hold any weight, but I’m trying to say we need to distribute that wealth and just name them what they freakin’ are.  It’s confusing, man.

I guess today’s lesson is to never assume anything and when you’d like a medium, order the second hottest sauce that exists or the second largest soda a restaurant has.  Good luck and peace be with you.

Smartass Packets

Smartass Packets

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